I feel so crushed....

    And numb.....

    And torn......

    And tired.....

    Among other things....

    I just want to know for sure that things are going to be ok.....

    I need to know......

    Because I honestly give up..... 

      I really don't want to be alone tonight.  Well, maybe I do in a way. 

     There's a horrible pain that seems to be at the very core of my heart.  I don't know how to explain it exactly.  It's not physical, yet it somehow is.  It feels like someone just forced a sharp dagger into my chest.  There's a mixture of emotions and I can't really figure out what's up with me at the moment.  It just hurts like hell.........

     I went to see fireworks with my family tonight.  I would have rather stayed home but I pushed myself.  Thank God I had my ipod, otherwise I would have had a complete nervous breakdown.  We had to wait in the car for well over an hour before it started.  I was so claustrophobic and it didn't take long until I began to flip out at myself.  No one knew.  Well, my sister did notice when I purposely hit my head on something a few times.  Yay for that?  But still, she didn't have a clue.  And...that's probably a really good thing.

     Ahhh....this kills.