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Forward Not Backward

Yesterday was an amazing day, but I almost let it be taken away from me more times than I can count. My parents, especially my dad, have been........ Well, my dad has just been making me want to walk out of the ho…
YES! YESSS! YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!

"I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on..." :) God is amazing. He always has been. I just haven't really seen it for awhile. I haven't really seen Him for awhile! And you know what? I am r…
I Am Kind Of Blank......

But....at this very second I am having a moment of slight sanity. And for the first time in almost a year, I know God hasn't left me. I thought He did. He hasn't. I don't completely understand everything, or why so m…
Time Is Passing At A Really Weird Rate.....

I slept for around three or four hours last night. I woke up out of a dead sleep and felt strongly that I shouldn't go back to sleep. Like the title of this post says, time is passing at a really weird rate. I'm not s…
Mixed Feelings About The Upcoming Month

I had a dream this morning that Mercy called. It felt so real. I remember feeling a huge relief fall over me as I answered the phone. Then I woke up. It was rather sad. Last night was not so great and when I fin…
So Pathetic.....

I wish I could sleep 24/7. I hate going to sleep at night because I hate waking up in the morning. I hate waking up from my dreams, even bad ones sometimes. Lately I've been waking up suicidal.....which sucks. It's n…
This Is Why.....

A friend that I grew up with talked to me on the phone today. We haven't talked in awhile. Mainly, because whenever I get off the phone with her I want to shoot myself in the head. I apparently needed some tough love? I …
This Is So Pointless.....

This is pointless. Life is pointless as long as I'm living like this. Really it sucks. I'm not really living. I'm existing. That's all. I want to live. I'm sick of isolating myself. I'm sick of not having a norma…
Will This Ever End?

I'm so freaking overwhelmed and tired and stressed. Today has been especially hard for random reasons, some of which I have still to figure out. I just got back from bible study. On the way there I almost had an emoti…
Who Am I Really?

Who am I really? That's what I want to know. Who am I without ed? Who am I without any of my struggles, without all of this confusion. I feel so lost in it....I don't even know myself. All I know is ed and who knows…