My dad has been even more fun to be around ever since I found out when I'm leaving.  Do you sense the sarcasm?  Everyone else is so happy, but he hasn't even said a word.  But it always happens like this, when ever I'm happy or positive about anything, he gets angry.  He won't talk usually, not for awhile, he just mopes around, and acts like a little kid.  Then he'll eventually find something random to yell at my mom about. He doesn't even know anything about where I'm going, even though I've been in the process of getting in for like 5-6 months.  He even signed some papers for financial support, so it's not like we didn't tell him!  I'm trying not to take it personally anymore.  I really don't care if he cares.  Well, I must care a little obviously.  But I don't want to.  He just got home, immediately went to the fridge for his beer, and then went into his room.  He came back out again, but only to get some more. He never locks himself in his room, since he's usually doing something work related or working on his computers.  This is how the past 3-4 nights have been.  So, it's really annoying and making things more tense than they already were.  I hate that he has so much control over my emotions.

     He always gets worse whenever God is about to do something big in my life.  There is such huge spiritual conflict.  A couple years ago, right after I got accepted to go on a mission trip, was when he almost left us, and honestly, I wanted him to at that point.  But if he had, it probably would have stopped me from going on the trip and interfered with me graduating and so many other things.  It would have really messed up my little sister.  When I think about how much conflict there was that whole year, just concerning the trip, I can't even imagine how bad it's going to get in the next couple weeks.  I think I hate it the most when he's not talking.  I'd rather him just let everything out now, so that we can get it over with.  It sucks to be my mom....I can't imagine having to be married to the guy.  And she's been dealing with him for thirty years.

     But whatever......God is the best dad anyway.  He's the only one I'll ever be able to trust.  He's the only one who truly knows me.  He's the only one who knows how to take care of me.  I'm so glad He's taking me to Mercy now.

     Ed-wise.......I've been keeping my food goals down, which is really good.  I still need to work on eating more than what I'm eating, but at least I'm not purging what I do eat.  That's pretty big for me.  I just want to feel completely normal about food.